I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
