All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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