Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
