is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize