You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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