my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
