dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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