Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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