I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
