Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
