I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
