fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
