If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
zippers are such a cool invention
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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