somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
