so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
