If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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