So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
