Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
