Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
