I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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