woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
