We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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