Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
