I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
