So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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