so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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