We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
