She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
no, he came in my armpit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
