im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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