im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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