I cannot find my penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
