it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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