The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
