I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
