You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
