in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
