Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
