Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
