Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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