u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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