I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they're like a gay fantastic four
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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