I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
