he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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