as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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