we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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