Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
