you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
