You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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