I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
