Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize