it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
