She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
