your parents love me but you hate me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
