When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't turn off my feet"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
