Screwed.edu
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
