Umm I'm too high to move.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
