apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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