Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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