i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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