Your face is a jimmy john
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
