Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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