Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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