WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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