Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
