Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
