You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
