I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Help. Why am I so naked?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize