I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
