could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize