Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
