Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
